Deeds and Consequences
by CrazyBeaver
Summary: Sometimes we regret some of our choices. And sometimes we just can't decide whether to regret them or be proud of them. Nicholas is haunted by the flashbacks he can't erase from his memory. Reviews are welcome!


_A/N: Okay, this might be a bit weird but I blame my fever. The idea came to me after seeing this video of a friend of mine on youtube:_ watch?v=7ojSw7ikJkc

_I don't own them!_

**Deeds and Consequences**

"_You are not supposed to be here…"_

The voice is close to whisper but it's loud enough to startle the newly promoted inspector in his sleep. He should have gotten used to it by this point. But he can't.

It's been over a year, and Sandford has become a new home for Nicholas Angel. He had never thought that a peaceful life in a calm village would suit him. But then there were evenings at the pub with his fellow officers. His _friends_. And then Danny would suggest watching some movie Nicholas used to have no idea about and life got more normal than ever before.

He got used to the slow pace of everything around. To the officers' laid back attitude. Even to the lack of serious crime which turned chasing Mr. Staker's swan into an adventurous experience.

He never got used to the dreams.

_Dozens of dead bodies lying below the castle. Abandoned. Forgotten. With only rats providing company for them. Nicholas can't feel the pain from falling all the way down there anymore. He can't smell the horrifying fume of death which made him feel so sick before. Now he can only see the glares of those of them who still have eyes. It's like they are blaming him. Angel starts to wonder whether those kids would have ended up here if he hadn't arrested them for underage drinking or shoplifting. The thought is more effective at making him sick than the smell he had felt here. He most certainly caused some of these murders. By simply being good at what he does. By simply doing his job. He tries to think of the possible murders he prevented. It doesn't wash away the guilt. The guilt about doing the right thing. So there is no right and no wrong anymore…_

"_You are not supposed to be here,"_ the voice hisses again, and Nicholas wakes up.

Sometimes he tries not to sleep at all. Silly mistake. Then the voice starts haunting him when he is awake, as a whisper of a passerby or a line from a movie Angel can't pay any attention to anymore.

Danny would come up to him and ask him if he is alright. After about the twentieth "yeah, I'm fine" he stops asking. Nicholas can still sense his gaze on him from time to time. _"You nearly got him killed, too,"_ the same voice whispers, and Nicholas feels ice inside his veins. This feeling has become way too familiar to him lately.

_Not supposed to be here… Where am I supposed to be then?_

London isn't any more welcoming than the crypt under the castle. Angel knows that there he would feel more of a stranger than any of the aliens he saw in Danny's movies. Certainly, the streets are familiar but there he is completely alone. Nicholas knows the feeling too well. He doesn't want to get back to it.

Danny thinks that Nicholas' lack of interest in everything around came because he misses London. He looks upset and a bit hurt. He thinks that the reality they have in Sandford isn't enough for the inspector. _No, Danny. I wish this reality was the only one I face. But there is always that crypt and those bodies and that voice. And they won't go away no matter what I do…_

And then one day he disappears. Doesn't show up at work on time. At first they wait. Doris calls on his home phone. Danny dials his mobile number. Neither of them gets any response.

Hours later the complete despair of not knowing where to look brings Sergeant Butterman to the castle. He hates this place. Ever since arriving at the NWA meeting with a direction to kill Nicholas, seeing the indescribable heartbreak in his face and then praying that he really didn't miss the notebook and it was really only ketchup on his friend's jacket, Danny has been avoiding coming here. And yet now there he is.

Everything is just the way he remembers it. Only the wicket Nicholas ran through a year ago to be "stabbed" seconds later is now open. Danny remembers they shut it after removing all the bodies. Well he saw the photos, as he couldn't quite be there at the moment.

His heart is pounding loudly in his chest as he comes up to it. Trying to assure himself that everything is going to be fine but still unable to get rid of the growing feeling of horror, Danny swallows and steps inside.

At first he can't make out anything in the darkness. All there is in this world is the scratching everywhere around him (rats, Danny remembers). As soon as his eyes get adjusted, however, he sees a motionless human silhouette by the wall. Much like one of the bodies he saw pictures of. _Oh God…_

"Nicholas…" he breathes out, trying not to sob. He feels an enormous wave of relief wash over him as the man by the wall turns his head to him.

"What are you doing here?" the sergeant comes closer but gets no reply. He sits next to Nicholas, feeling the cold of the concrete beneath him which the inspector doesn't seem to acknowledge.

Nicholas can hear Danny crouching by his side. But that's not what he is listening to. He is more amused by something he can't hear at the moment. Maybe he needed to return here to say his last goodbye to everything that had happened there. He did what he did, and hadn't he been here, who knows what else might have happened. Danny would still live without any knowledge about his father's murderous obsession, and there is no guarantee that another driving under influence incident wouldn't cost him something more than some ice cream. Danny's hand on his shoulder tells him he should speak.

"It's gone," he hears himself saying out loud.

"What is?" Danny sounds alarmed. _He might think I'm crazy. Well, maybe I am, a little. Off the fucking chain._

For a moment Nicholas wants to ask whether he fits in well in the world of Sandford. Whether it was right to stay here and not come back to London. He looks up and meets his friend's gaze, worried and slightly teary. Are his own eyes filled with tears? Probably. But now he knows there might be no hesitation in them.

"Nothing," he finds himself smiling at last.

That evening at the pub is a bit awkward. Everyone is giving him odd looks due to him disappearing that day but he knows it will pass. There are some whispers, too, but all of them seem to have the source. Nicholas keeps an ear for the Voice in case it comes back. It never does.


End file.
